Stuff Left Over From My Other Stuff

 

If you look at dollars per word, writing a novel is nowhere near as lucrative as writing a ransom note.

You cannot put a price on good health… well, not a reasonable price, anyway.

There’s no ‘i’ in “team” but there is an ‘i’ in limeade, so, if you need one, that’s where you should look.

They take your shoelaces away when they lock you up, ostensibly to keep you from killing yourself; however, it is also to help those who cannot tie their shoes. If you ask an armed robber to tie your shoe, you are going to lose a lot of street cred.

To be cautious, I coat my body in creosote almost every day to deter cannibals. If that doesn’t stop them, I can always lie on my back and pretend to be a railroad tie…

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a noose and do the right thing.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever remembered.

I’ve got to remember NOT to talk about fractional distillation of hydrocarbons with women I’ve just met, even IF it is relevant to the conversation.

We all need a leader that we can stand behind… especially, if a sniper starts shooting into the crowd.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It’s a waste of time and it annoys the pig; moreover, auto-tune will help the pig to sing well enough from day one, freeing up time to look for a tour band and to pick out an iconic wardrobe for your pig’s meteoric rise to the top of the charts.