My Idyllic Childhood

My mother often cursed the day that I was born; but, she assured me that she was cursing that day long before I was conceived. In fact, she wanted to change her “curse-day”, but she had no issues with any other day of the year. I told her that I understood and she went back […]

Ideas

Ham, bacon and egg breakfasts made from incestuous animals. Call it, “Breakfast Inbred”. Still no response from Denny’s. A car that runs by draining the batteries of the cars all around it. Can call it, “The Mother-in-Law”… A television crime drama starring Fiona Apple as a detective who solves crimes by banging random chords out […]

Pirate Hierarchy

Captain: The captain of a pirate ship was responsible for organizing the ship as a whole. His word was final, unless he said that his word was not final… if so, you’d better have listened because his word was final (pirates were more than capable of creating paradoxes). He also dealt out wisdom in the […]

Tips for Performing an Exorcism

1. Nothing is more embarrassing than chanting, “The power of Christ compels you” and then finding out that, in this case, it doesn’t. 2. When the demon raises the bed three feet above the floor, check under the bed. Sometimes the reason for a demonic possession is simply a lost bedroom slipper. 3. When the […]