Ideas

  • Ham, bacon and egg breakfasts made from incestuous animals. Call it, “Breakfast Inbred”. Still no response from Denny’s.
  • A car that runs by draining the batteries of the cars all around it. Can call it, “The Mother-in-Law”…
  • A television crime drama starring Fiona Apple as a detective who solves crimes by banging random chords out of a piano until the universe teleports the perpetrator into a jail cell on the condition that she stop doing that.
  • A Terry Gilliam-directed version of The Glass Menagerie with Brad Pitt as the nightmarish soul-eating glass catheter and Annette Benning as the wise doctor with a horse skull for a head.
  • A special Neapolitan ice cream with poisoned strawberry, poisoned chocolate and a vanilla section with the antidote.
  • A cable channel to be watched on split screen with one of the jewelry shopping channels where someone calmly and rationally tries to talk you out of your idiotic purchase.
  • Pythons specifically bred to perform fellatio.
  • A datebook that gives its owner a powerful shock when they “flake”.
  • Antacids flavored to taste like foods that give you heartburn.
  • Sweetened Super-condensed Milk: One hundred and forty gallons compressed into an eleven-ounce can that weighs as much as a Dodge pickup truck. Could be useful when you need to make cookie bars for an entire town.
  • A starter’s pistol with a grappling hook for races up the sides of buildings.
  • Special lipstick and rouge for those occasions when you want your horse to look like a slut…
  • Cross-training Cross Crosses: Crucifixes for athletes who get angry that they have nothing to pray to while cross-training.
  • A van made out of fluoroscopes so people can see what is on the other side.
  • A feature length Roadrunner cartoon with Brad Pitt as the nightmarish soul-eating glass catheter and Annette Benning as the wise doctor with a horse skull for a head. Terry Gilliam could direct…
  • A pacemaker kill-switch for when the conversation gets just that unbearable…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s