Stuff I’m Proud of

I’m proud that I still don’t know if Wilson Philips is a man, a woman or a group of people. I’m proud that the only body modification I’ve ever had done was falling face forward into a coffee table. I’m proud that I’ve never lied during sex. I’m proud that I’ve never taken money to […]

I Have “The Talk” with My 40 Year-Old Self

When a boy turns 40, his father has a special talk with him about “changes” that will be happening in his life… Pretty soon, you’ll be noticing girls… call you “sir” a lot. You’ll be growing hair in places you’ve never seen hair before… like your ears and your hairbrush. You’ll notice a lack of […]

My Worries are as Many as Fishes in the Sea

I worry that there is no gravity and that everything was just “going that way anyhow”… I worry that the hair I think I’m losing is just hiding inside my scalp and is going to jump out at me when I least expect it. I worry that I might, inadvertently, become too gangsta… I worry […]

Body Parts I’d Like Plastic Surgeonated

Nose: How best to describe my nose? It looks as if someone added a nose to my face and the next worker on the assembly line wasn’t looking and put another one there. It’s not an especially long nose, nor is it very broad; however, it is denser than high carbon steel. My nose is […]