Stuff I’m Proud of

Celebrating 50 years: Pride marches on - The Boston Globe

I’m proud that I still don’t know if Wilson Philips is a man, a woman or a group of people.

I’m proud that the only body modification I’ve ever had done was falling face forward into a coffee table.

I’m proud that I’ve never lied during sex.

I’m proud that I’ve never taken money to perform sex, although I have taken money to stop.

I’m proud of my ability to say just the right thing at just the right time in just the wrong place to just the wrong person.

I’m proud of my singing voice which is just my talking voice but with a random, “Bay-bee!” thrown in every few stanzas.

I’m proud that I’ve never given in to the temptation to see if rolled oats will actually roll…

I’m proud that I’ve put a hundred percent of my effort into quitting in despair…

I’m proud of the full head of hair that I have in my hair brush.

I’m mostly proud of my modesty…

I’m proud of the fact that my lists always have exactly ten items.

I’m proud of the “meta-items” in my lists that, although not funny, really make you think. Specifically, you think, “Hey, that’s not funny”

I’m proud that I keep going long after I should’ve stopped.

I’m also proud of stopping.

23 thoughts on “Stuff I’m Proud of

      1. Remember the old “Who was that lady I saw you with last night” – “That was no lady, that was my wife” joke? Well, that was no debate performance, that was an f-ing debacle. Anyone who watches the next debate has to be a glutton for punishment, to say the lest.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I thought his debate performance was typical. Why should he only be allowed to talk at certain times? Donald is allowed to say whatever he wants, whenever he wants to say it. I hear ya on the hairbrush. Sometimes I put my hairbrush in my daughter’s room and exclaim, “look at all the hair YOU lost!”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’d try that with my son but my hair is grey… also, he IS losing his hair and I truly don’t want to depress him…

      So, should I publish “What I learned from the Debates” tomorrow? Or, my think-piece on pet tapeworms?

      Liked by 1 person

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