Thoughts that Depress Me

I’m depressed because life is just a bleak emptiness with occasional intervals of bowling. ☺ In billions of years, our Sun will swell up and burn the Earth to an ash and I won’t be around to see how Donald Trump tries to make money off of it. ☺ I get depressed when I realize […]

I Was Disappointed…

[Who gets to enjoy my pointless random writing exercises? You do!] I was disappointed with the weather in Lubbock because I wanted to see a tornado; but, whenever there was a tornado, there was also a storm so I could never go outside and see it… ◙ I was disappointed that Gone with the Wind […]

Why We Should All Smoke Cigarettes

Emphysema will get you excused from almost any chore. ◙ A cigarette used to indicate the end of sex, which used to be helpful because, without it, I’d lose my place and keep going long after it was pleasurable for either of us. ◙ When people see you with a lit cigarette, they know you […]

Stuff I’m Proud of

I’m proud that I still don’t know if Wilson Philips is a man, a woman or a group of people. I’m proud that the only body modification I’ve ever had done was falling face forward into a coffee table. I’m proud that I’ve never lied during sex. I’m proud that I’ve never taken money to […]

To My Twitter Political Debate Opponents

Your side wants the death penalty; my side wants it abolished. Change the law so that, instead of being executed, criminals are just really badly beaten. Yes, I know you said you had sex with my mother for a dollar; but, my mother is in her seventies and doesn’t need the money (unless she’s been […]