Still More Things You Don’t Know About Me

I have this fantasy about a physical relationship with Shakira where I tell her that I’m too old for her and she shouldn’t waste her life on me. At first, she argues the point, but weeks later, she’s leaves me in the middle of the night without a word. This is what depression and overthinking […]

Nineteen Sixties Sex Comedies

1960’s sex comedies were light-hearted and sometimes even wacky movies that had literally no sex in them. Doris Day starred in several of these comedies… often with Rock Hudson, who later turned out to be a homosexual. I feel that it created a sort of sexual tension that you wouldn’t get with two heterosexual actors. […]

How to Write a Best-Selling Novel

They say that everyone has a novel in them. Some manage to get it out and some keep it in until Epicac is available. We revere the best-selling authors despite the fact that OUR stuff is WAY better than anything they churn out. So, why do their books sell a million copies and people like […]

Ask a Bio-engineered Super-intelligent Dog, Speed Round

Q. My daughter is pregnant and I’m not happy about it. What should I do? A. Don’t worry. Your daughter’s condition should be back to normal in eight or nine months. If it isn’t, she’s probably just fat. Q. What is a good name for a pet spider? A. “Mr. Spider” Q. That’s not a […]

Signs You Might be Having Too Much Casual Sex

You have repetitive stress disorder in your hips. You spend forty-five minutes awkwardly talking to someone in the dark who turns out to be your pants and a towel and you wonder who you had sex with. You won’t put your address on a job application because you don’t want any emotional blow-back if things […]