You have repetitive stress disorder in your hips.
You spend forty-five minutes awkwardly talking to someone in the dark who turns out to be your pants and a towel and you wonder who you had sex with.
You won’t put your address on a job application because you don’t want any emotional blow-back if things go bad…
The scariest thing you hear during sex is “you look familiar”…
Your iron-clad rule is “no more than four sexual partners from the same apartment complex”.
You end up pregnant and the only trait you can come up with for the father is that he was male and probably a mammal.
You have venereal diseases that are named after you.
You have trouble recognizing women you’ve already met unless they are making an orgasm face.
You decide to notch your bedpost for every sexual partner you have but there are no notches because YOU ARE TOO BUSY HAVING SEX TO DO IT.
You use your brother’s name so often that they two of you have just decided to switch identities entirely…