Why We Should All Smoke Cigarettes

smoker

Emphysema will get you excused from almost any chore.

A cigarette used to indicate the end of sex, which used to be helpful because, without it, I’d lose my place and keep going long after it was pleasurable for either of us.

When people see you with a lit cigarette, they know you have mastered fire… the bare minimum for being a homo sapien

A lot of smoke in your mouth keeps your teeth from seeing each other and starting a fight with your tongue.

The Surgeon General may not advocate smoking; but, the Surgical Nurse Corporal says it relaxes her.

If you don’t smoke, you’ll have to rely on second-hand smoke, which has BEEN IN SOMEONE’S MOUTH ALREADY!

Smoking reduces birth-weight so you can put off buying toddler clothes for three extra months.

Kissing a smoker is like kissing an ashtray… and I mean that in a GOOD way…

In prison, cigarettes make a better currency than cash. Don’t believe me? Try smoking a nickel.

Smoking desensitizes your taste buds so you can eat ANYTHING ANYWHERE!

19 thoughts on “Why We Should All Smoke Cigarettes

  1. When I was scrolling through my WP feed to get to where I left off yesterday, I saw a picture of a guy with a hundred cigarettes in his mouth – and I knew EXACTLY who put that there. I guess it will be good to light up before I have to eat something like a fish popsicle – drown those taste buds before they can assure me I am eating something awful!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I AM kind of predictable, Robyn.

      My dad smoked two packs a day and could probably taste nothing. He would take us to the worst restaurants. After the quit smoking, he took us out to the Dairy Queen for supper. Halfway through the meal, he stopped and said, “Hey, this tastes like sh*t”…

      He was not wrong…

      Liked by 1 person

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