Why We Should All Smoke Cigarettes

Emphysema will get you excused from almost any chore. ◙ A cigarette used to indicate the end of sex, which used to be helpful because, without it, I’d lose my place and keep going long after it was pleasurable for either of us. ◙ When people see you with a lit cigarette, they know you […]

Can You Bear Some Bull on the Stock Market?

Stocks are essentially a roulette game where everyone but you already knows where the ball is going. Remember, it’s not a bad idea at all to base the health of one’s economy on a bunch of guys in suits all yelling in a big room. Investing in the stock market will bring YOU to the […]

Why I Bit the Salesman at the Computer Store

The girl at the coffee shop moved too quickly for me to bite her. I get crazy mad because I don’t know what “the cloud” is. I was under the delusion that I was a zombie. Turned out I was just not getting enough sun. I thought biting was an acceptable form of currency. I […]

Travlin’ Abroad!

You get a better exchange rate when you use a bank or ATM to convert your American dollars into whatever cheap, colorful and ridiculous currency is being used in the country you are visiting. Make sure you get all necessary vaccinations before traveling to another country. This means ALL vaccinations because other countries are cesspools […]