I Have “The Talk” with My 40 Year-Old Self

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Good talk, dad!

When a boy turns 40, his father has a special talk with him about “changes” that will be happening in his life…

Pretty soon, you’ll be noticing girls… call you “sir” a lot.

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You’ll be growing hair in places you’ve never seen hair before… like your ears and your hairbrush.

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You’ll notice a lack of hair in places hair has always been… like the top of your head. You aren’t going bald: Your head is just trying to escape upwards.

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Some of your friends are going to talk about “joints”. Not the smokable kind but the kind that hurt when it rains.

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Your voice is going to change from the way it is now, to one that yells, “Get off my lawn” a lot more.

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You’ll notice weird feelings when you see the opposite sex such as “I don’t remember ringing for a nurse”

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Your testicles will start to drop… to well past your knees…

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Your muscles will get bigger and softer and will jiggle when you walk.

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You might find yourself doing “crazy” stuff such as building a ship in a bottle or stalking a twenty year old stripper.

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Don’t worry, aging is a natural process… like photosynthesis or throwing yourself off of a bridge…

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22 thoughts on “I Have “The Talk” with My 40 Year-Old Self

  1. I’ve noticed there is a growing list of “things you can’t do anymore without breaking something” when I hit my forties. I am midway through and the list is just getting bigger. “The Cartwheel” just hit the list a few months ago. And in a discussion about back flips or back dives off the diving board recently, I didn’t even try. I just chalked it up on the “can’t do anymore” list to prevent the impending injury.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I tried to make a list of things I couldn’t do anymore… but, I couldn’t remember everything… proving that making a list of things I couldn’t do anymore is one of those things I cannot do anymore…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I sailed through my 40’s, it was when I hit 50 that things starting going south. Figuratively and literally. And no matter how bad men have it? They don’t experience menopause so you can all bite me.

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  3. “The best years are the forties; after fifty a man begins to deteriorate, but in the forties he is at the maximum of his villainy.” –H. L. Mencken
    I’m not sure if I agree — that’s too long ago for me to remember.

    Liked by 1 person

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