New Psychiatrist Jokes that Look Like They are From the 1950s

Psychiatry Art for Sale

A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office and says, “My elderly grandmother thinks she’s Superman”

The doctor says, “Why don’t you bring her in?”

And, the man replies, “She keeps flying away”

Holiday Living 7.5-ft Pre-Lit York Pine Artificial Christmas Tree ...

A woman walks into a psychiatrist’s office and says, “My husband thinks he’s a zebra”

The doctor replies, “Bring him in, I can probably fix him”

The woman says, “No way, he is essential to the savanna’s ecosystem”

Holiday Living 7.5-ft Pre-Lit York Pine Artificial Christmas Tree ...

Doctor, doctor! I think I’m losing the ability to conceive time”

How long have you felt this way?”

Since tomorrow!”

Holiday Living 7.5-ft Pre-Lit York Pine Artificial Christmas Tree ...

Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that someone’s following me”

Picks up phone, “Hold all my calls and tell anyone who shows up in the lobby that he’ll be out in about an hour”

Holiday Living 7.5-ft Pre-Lit York Pine Artificial Christmas Tree ...

A woman walks into a psychiatrist’s office and says, “My husband thinks he’s a cat”

The doctor motions for her to sit down. “That’s awful. I’d imagine the worst part is seeing someone you love descend into madness”

The woman replies, “No, the worst part is cleaning the litter box”

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Doctor, I know it’s weird, but I feel like snakes are growing out of the top of my head. Can you recommend something?”

A hat”Holiday Living 7.5-ft Pre-Lit York Pine Artificial Christmas Tree ...

Doc, I’m so depressed, I can’t even get out of bed”

Is it affecting your job?”

Not at all”

Odd. What do you do for a living?”

I’m a prostitute”

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I’m afraid you have bipolar disorder”

Oh, that’s okay. I can get through it. I’m pretty optimistic about that”

Good. That’s very encouraging”

SCREW YOU, DOCTOR!”

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I have to diagnose you as having delusions of grandeur”

I don’t recall giving you permission to diagnose me at all”

Holiday Living 7.5-ft Pre-Lit York Pine Artificial Christmas Tree ...

Doctor, you’ve got to help me. My wife thinks that she’s invisible”

What a nut! Okay, can you bring her in?”

She’s right beside me…”

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18 thoughts on “New Psychiatrist Jokes that Look Like They are From the 1950s

  1. I have a favorite doctor joke that the kids hate at this point (I have a tendency to over tell a joke – post about doctors again, and you will see). So, a guy walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I need help! I keep having this dream. I’m a tee-pee then a wigwam. A teepee, a wigwam, teepee, wigwam. I can’t figure out what wrong with me!” The doctor says, “That’s easy. You’re two tents.”
    ……Get it? Anyway, great list. Yours made me laugh. Mine is unoriginal, I read it somewhere – but it really stuck. The husband cat one may stick as well.

    Liked by 1 person

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