When a boy turns 40, his father has a special talk with him about “changes” that will be happening in his life…
Pretty soon, you’ll be noticing girls… call you “sir” a lot.
You’ll be growing hair in places you’ve never seen hair before… like your ears and your hairbrush.
You’ll notice a lack of hair in places hair has always been… like the top of your head. You aren’t going bald: Your head is just trying to escape upwards.
Some of your friends are going to talk about “joints”. Not the smokable kind but the kind that hurt when it rains.
Your voice is going to change from the way it is now, to one that yells, “Get off my lawn” a lot more.
You’ll notice weird feelings when you see the opposite sex such as “I don’t remember ringing for a nurse”
Your testicles will start to drop… to well past your knees…
Your muscles will get bigger and softer and will jiggle when you walk.
You might find yourself doing “crazy” stuff such as building a ship in a bottle or stalking a twenty year old stripper.
Don’t worry, aging is a natural process… like photosynthesis or throwing yourself off of a bridge…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
And now the female version …
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Oh, I couldn’t do it justice. You?
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I’m sure you could Charles, just channel your inner woman 😊
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My inner woman isn’t speaking to me because of a remark I made to myself…
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I’m just over a year into my forties and that helped a lot. I feel my own father let me down a bit to be honest.
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You should take him fishing. Old guys like to talk when they are fishing…
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I’ve noticed there is a growing list of “things you can’t do anymore without breaking something” when I hit my forties. I am midway through and the list is just getting bigger. “The Cartwheel” just hit the list a few months ago. And in a discussion about back flips or back dives off the diving board recently, I didn’t even try. I just chalked it up on the “can’t do anymore” list to prevent the impending injury.
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I tried to make a list of things I couldn’t do anymore… but, I couldn’t remember everything… proving that making a list of things I couldn’t do anymore is one of those things I cannot do anymore…
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I sailed through my 40’s, it was when I hit 50 that things starting going south. Figuratively and literally. And no matter how bad men have it? They don’t experience menopause so you can all bite me.
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If I bit you, you might contract distemper…
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Which is still better than menopause…
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My ex-wife went through menopause when we were married and I didn’t feel any discomfort at all…
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When I hit 40, my eyesight started going first. Thank God for that! Mona
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I find that I can’t handle accents the way I used to. Now I give some foreign friends that benign raised eye-brow “what did you say?” ad nauseum…
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“The best years are the forties; after fifty a man begins to deteriorate, but in the forties he is at the maximum of his villainy.” –H. L. Mencken
I’m not sure if I agree — that’s too long ago for me to remember.
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I peaked at my mid-thirties… but I was leading a karate class in my forties, so I must’ve been in some semblance of what the kids call “shape”…
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I had that talk with “him.” He rolled his eyes a lot, and said, “You just don’t get me.”
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Oh, yeah, and he added, “Things were different when you were my age.” I assured him they weren’t. More eye-rolling.
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My son says that to me. And, to some degree, he’s right…
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🙈🙉🙊 I feel like I’ve been let into a secret club on accident 😉
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Don’t misuse this information…
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Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me…
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