For My Second Wedding I’ve Written My Own Angry Vows

[Note: Next week, to commemorate another hundred followers, will be Chapter Three of The Moosehead Strategem. Clear your calendars and hide your daughters] I promise to always be true to you as long as you don’t look as if you want to have an affair. I promise not to go to bed angry so we’ll […]

Tips and Predictions on Global Warming

Before the ocean levels rise too much, we can put the state of Florida on stilts… or, for the good of the gene pool, let it sink. As farming states get warmer, switch what you grow and where: For example, in Nebraska switch from corn to okra and melons. In Georgia/Alabama, switch from peaches […]

Not a Cigar but a Whole ‘Nother Random Thought

I’ve only had one chance to have sex with a pro-football cheerleader; but, I waited too long and she woke up. A quick note to the world’s animals: If you can be breaded and fried, I WILL find you and I WILL eat you. People complain about Donald Trump, but he is the ONLY […]

A big fat juicy limerick

A forgetful old man of Iraq, wrote poetry books by the stack. His memory was such that sometimes he would forget he was writing poetry entirely and, instead write in a prose form that was both beautiful and lyrical. It flowed from his pen like spring water coming from the depths of the Earth […]

Fears, Anxieties and Dreads

I worry that people will see my laugh-lines and assume that I’ve had it too easy all my life. When I go to a urinal and someone else walks up at the same time but finishes WAY before I do, I worry that I might be peeing wrong. I’ve got a gnawing anxiety that […]