I’ve only had one chance to have sex with a pro-football cheerleader; but, I waited too long and she woke up.
A quick note to the world’s animals: If you can be breaded and fried, I WILL find you and I WILL eat you.
People complain about Donald Trump, but he is the ONLY US president capable of successfully hiding amongst a pile of traffic cones.
You’ll never know what it’s like to be a handicapped person until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes… or, in the case of someone with no legs, his hat…
I like Marylanders a lot more now that most of them smell like weed.
If you were a species, found only in one remote area of the planet, do you think that makes you better than me?
No one wants to be the “Queen of Creosote” once they find out what her duties consist of.
When I first heard the term, I thought I knew what a “carjacker” did; but, I was WAY off.
They should make suicide one of the seven deadly sins because at least one of them should be fatal…
I think the world would be a very different place if serial killer was an elected position…
I don’t have an evil bone in my body. My femur and tibia are amoral, though. I blame Hollywood and the internet.
Goldfish grow smaller in smaller bowls. I moved into a smaller house but I’m still just as fat… probably because my exercise equipment doesn’t fit anymore.