Colors that I Like Less Than the Others

Purple: Purple was the color of royalty because it took a big pile of stinking sea shells just to make one thing purple… and purple has never really gotten over itself. Now, anyone with a box of crayons can make purple… but, people like Donnie Osmond and Prince perpetuate the regality of the color purple, […]

Other Bucket Lists Pail in Comparison

I want to see Rome before I die, preferably from a flying saucer. I want to make my own lizard using only items I have around the house. I want to perform the lead role in an all-nude production of Mame. I want to trip Charlie Sheen… or, if that isn’t possible, Emilio Estevez… I […]

Least Effective Methods of Suicide

Blowing your brains out with an electric fan. Slashing your elbows. Throwing yourself under a moving cat. Jumping off the roof of a very tall building onto the roof of a slightly shorter building. Caulking your lungs shut. Choking yourself on the breasts of a CPR dummy. Overdosing on Fiddle-faddle. Hanging yourself from a shoe […]

This Day in History: July 24th

The Kellogg–Briand Pact (or Pact of Paris, officially General Treaty for Renunciation of War as an Instrument of National Policy) went into effect on this day in 1929, effectively ending war as they knew it. Fortunately, war as they didn’t know it was still waiting in the wings. The Kellogg-Briand Pact has been ridiculed […]

What Can I Do? A Riff…

[Remember when you were a kid, sitting around with your family… and the television wasn’t on because no one felt like climbing onto the tin roof and adjusting the antenna so you sat around riffing on one topic with your family? Neither do I but it’s fun to pretend…] I saw a speech about doing […]