I want to see Rome before I die, preferably from a flying saucer.
I want to make my own lizard using only items I have around the house.
I want to perform the lead role in an all-nude production of Mame.
I want to trip Charlie Sheen… or, if that isn’t possible, Emilio Estevez…
I want to become an honorary gypsy.
I want to be referred to, just once, as the King of Isopropyl Alcohol.
I want to hike the entire Appalachian Trail from East to West.
I want to resurrect Fred Gwynne by burying him in a cursed pet cemetery. He might be reborn without a soul, but I think he’d still enjoy the irony…
I want to meet some of the indigenous people of America and, if there’s time, play their slot machines.
I want to reenact the novel Moby Dick with Popsicle-stick puppets and beagles.
I want to learn the secret language of dolphins so that I can tell them that their everpresent benign smiles are creeping most of us out.
I want to eat the contents of an Etch-a-Sketch…