Things I Have Yet to Accomplish

I’ve never pulled off the perfect con; in fact, I’ve never even been able to convince anyone that I’m actually sick when I call in sick. ☼ I’ve never finished my version of Duchamp’s Nude Descending a Staircase because I can’t convince anyone to take off their clothes and walk down my stairs. ☼ I’ve […]

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A Bucket List to Die For

I want to see Naples in the Springtime… still smoldering from a volcanic explosion… I want to weave baskets with Scarlett Johansson… and by “weave baskets” I mean “have sex” and by “have sex” I mean “shoot pool”. I want to drive in the Indianapolis 500, going the wrong way with my right blinker on. […]

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