Things I Have Yet to Accomplish


I’ve never pulled off the perfect con; in fact, I’ve never even been able to convince anyone that I’m actually sick when I call in sick.

I’ve never finished my version of Duchamp’s Nude Descending a Staircase because I can’t convince anyone to take off their clothes and walk down my stairs.

I’ve never figured out why I’m a fatalist… probably never will. Maybe that’s just my destiny…

I’ve never sailed across the Atlantic Ocean in a little sailboat with only myself to depend upon and no sight of land on any horizon for weeks. Thankfully, I have friends that can talk me out of doing that.

I’ve never moved like a ghost through the criminal underworld spreading terror and chaos. If I had, it would’ve gone straight into my yearly Christmas letter.

I’d like to one day try a different career such as billionaire or movie star.

I’d like to skateboard before I die… just not immediately before I die.

Before I die, I’d like to tell my children that I love them and do so with a straight face.

It would be great if I could learn the differences between Burgundy and Merlot or the differences between Pinot Noir and hand-sanitizer…

I’ve never been on a blind date. I almost went on one but her seeing eye dog and I didn’t get along.

I’d like to stalk and kill a grizzly bear because I secretly think that they are responsible for the high cost of salmon. But, if I’m successful, I’ll drive up the price of grizzly bear meat and I’ll be everything I hate… except chard…

15 thoughts on “Things I Have Yet to Accomplish

  1. In my working days, calling in sick was synonymous with “She’s faking it.” Even hurling on the boss’s desk was met with, “You’re fine.” Just to be clear, I never did the hurling thing – but if I did!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not sure I’ve ever used a sick day when I was actually sick… When I’m sick, I go into work because, if I take a turn for the worse, I’d like a lot of people around to take care of me…

      Liked by 1 person

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