Answers to My Children’s Dumb Questions

“Daddy, where do babies come from?” – “Mostly China and India… but, I hear Indonesia is catching up” “What does my penis do?” – “Your penis functions as a de facto brain from your thirteenth birthday until you are forty” “Daddy, why is the sky blue?” – “Really? You see blue? I see it as […]

Ask a Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog Part 4: The Doggening of David Dogg

Dear Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog, We’ve just had our second child, who doesn’t look like me; and, now my wife is trying to convince me that Chinese is a recessive gene. She makes a compelling argument, but I’m a little skeptical. San Francisco Dad of Two (?) Dear Dad, You are right to be skeptical. The […]

Another Mindless Rant

Astronomers keep finding planets around other stars; and, if you believe them, I’ve got a bridge I want to sell you. It’s my bridge… I’ve got a receipt. The guy who owned it didn’t need it anymore because he bought himself a catapult. Most of it is in my backyard, but, I’ve got a few […]

Why I Didn’t Get a Pony

[Thanks to Jack Shalom for the idea! Jack is proof that anyone who likes radio shows and magic cannot be all bad] My parents wanted to instill in me the joy of having my fondest desires frustrated. All of my previous pets had died of mysterious stompings. Santa neglected to poke air-holes in the over-sized […]