Teachers: A Rant

I’ve been working for the public school system for the past six months. It’s not a bad gig. The building had BEEN an elementary school, so the urinals are about knee-level; but, I do get the security of working in a building meant to be a fallout shelter. It looks a lot like my elementary […]

Immutable Truths

Before seeking revenge, first dig TWO graves. That way, if your revenge is cutting the other guy in half, you’ll be all ready. ● The bigger they come, the harder they hit. ● The teacher for your hardest subject will be the one with the thickest accent. ● It takes a big man to admit […]

What I’m Thankful For, Part 3

I’m thankful for my two sons, without whom I’d still be wondering why my wife got so fat those two six-month periods in the nineties. I’m thankful for the First Amendment, which allows me to say what I want; and, for the Second Amendment which allows me to shoot people who say things I don’t […]

Signs that Your Child’s School May Not Be Up to Standards

Early afternoon is spent sitting quietly while the teacher watches her “stories”. The week before standardized testing, the teacher leads the children in a new song called, “A-C-C-A-B-D-A” When the children got up to the letter ‘T’, funding ran out, so your son Victor and you daughter Yvonne are considered by the other children to […]

How Do I Show Appreciation to My Child’s Teacher?

Drop a Xanax into your child’s thermos of milk. Offer your expert opinion on their teaching style. Keep an interest in school board politics so you can mindlessly and violently overreact to some minor incident… Know what your child is learning in school and what part of the Bible it conflicts with. Teachers like when […]