Signs that Your Child’s School May Not Be Up to Standards

Early afternoon is spent sitting quietly while the teacher watches her “stories”.

The week before standardized testing, the teacher leads the children in a new song called, “A-C-C-A-B-D-A”

When the children got up to the letter ‘T’, funding ran out, so your son Victor and you daughter Yvonne are considered by the other children to be “unpeople”…

P.E. is spent pick-pocketing the elderly at a nearby park.

You notice that the permission slip that you sign for your child’s field trip allows them to make end of life decisions for them.

A slight mishap with a baking soda volcano maims four children and leaves the rest smelling like a Caesar salad.

Your child’s report on the Civil War is called, “Sherman, the Tank Engine”.

Whatever the children dissect in biology class is deep fried an hour later for lunch.

Civics class consists of teaching the benefits of a bicameral legislature and moving teacher’s car so that the repo men don’t get to it.

The school principal discontinues the Pledge of Allegiance and offers to replace it with a pledge from whatever nation offers the most money.