What are the disadvantages of eating gold? Your bowel movements will be worth more than you are. Plus, you’ll confound the x-ray machine at the airport and they will be forced to pat you down. Before a long flight, a little groping really hits the spot…
What were the Little Rascals previously called? Fetuses.
How many movies did the Bowery Boys make? Forty-eight, each one better than the previous if arranged alphabetically.
What are Abbott and Costello best known for? Making women regret agreeing to sit and watch an old movie with you.
What are the Three Stooges best known for? Making women regret ever meeting you.
If I had to, how would I tell Russell Brand from say a hyperactive dog? Play the harmonica. If he whines, he is a dog.
How can I brand my dog? The best way to brand a dog is through “freeze branding” where a very cold iron is applied directly to the shaved skin of the dog. This should only be done by a veterinarian or someone who doesn’t mind being bitten and resented.
What is the coldest temperature ever recorded in the United States? Eighty degrees below zero, Fahrenheit… at Prospect Creek Camp, Alaska. Citizens managed to survive by huddling in their freezers for warmth…
Why was Alaska called “Seward’s Folly”? Secretary of State, William Seward, purchased Alaska in 1867, three weeks before Russia was going to offer a “buy one territory, get one free” offer.
Can I eat a stick of dynamite? Well, that dynamite isn’t going to eat itself now is it?
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Another advantage of eating gold?
The money you’ll save on safety deposit boxes.
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As long as the Imodium holds out…
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