When I Met You You Were Nothing (an exercise)

When I met you, you were nothing. As an existentialist, I was intrigued…

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When I met you, you were nothing. I took you out of the gutter and to a new more affluent life in a nicer gutter.

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When I met you, you were nothing; now, your name is a household word since we had it legally changed to “sink”.

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When I met you, you were nothing. You’re still nothing but I don’t mention it so much, now.

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When I met you, you were nothing. Now, you are twice that.

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When I met you, you were nothing. Now, you can destroy planets with your thoughts… that’s all ME!

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When I met you, you were nothing. After years of your ingratitude, that woman that nursed you back to health… that stood by you no matter what… that introduced you to the rich and powerful… that woman is, as of today, dead. I backed over her with my jeep about an hour ago. I am so terribly sorry…

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When I met you, you were nothing. You’re still nothing but now you have a delightful lemon scent.

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When I met you, you were nothing. Now, you are a teacher at a public high school which is a lateral move.

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When I met you, you were nothing. You were the worthless filth one finds on a wet alley floor… the far left side of the bell curve that is humanity… a black cancerous splotch on society’s sunburned forehead. To this day, we still haven’t been able to fix your self-esteem issues.