Tips for Performing an Exorcism

1. Nothing is more embarrassing than chanting, “The power of Christ compels you” and then finding out that, in this case, it doesn’t. 2. When the demon raises the bed three feet above the floor, check under the bed. Sometimes the reason for a demonic possession is simply a lost bedroom slipper. 3. When the […]

Amputee Pony-girl Gone Bad

To Whom It May Concern: I have been considering working in the genre of erotic fiction for some time now. Lately, it has become even more imperative that I “branch out” so to speak because my current employment appears to be on shaky ground. There are cut-backs, the economy is bad and, every so often, […]

How a Pirate is Better than a Handball

⇒A pirate sails the wide-open seas… a world with no boundaries… horizon as far as the eye can see. A handball lives in a can. ⇒You can slam a handball into a wall thousands of times; whereas, a pirate would object after hitting the wall only twice. ⇒Pirates had a code… rules they had to […]

Why Roll-on Deodorant is the Best (or, Why I Need to Stop Getting List Ideas in the Bathroom)

1: Roll-on deodorant adds to your total time spent performing arm-pit massage. 2: Spray deodorant makes a hissing noise. Roll-on deodorant is silent so as not to wake up your toilet… 3: Roll-on deodorant can be unscrewed from its container and, in a pinch, be used as a bright green decoration on a birthday cake. […]

Animals Whose Balls You Can Cut Off

Sheep: A castrated sheep is called a “wether” which must be a Welsh term for “mutilated”. A wether starts off as a kid wandering around, minding his own business (whatever THAT might be). Suddenly, a farmer grabs him and slices his balls off. Reason? It makes the sheep healthier. I can agree with that because, […]