How a Pirate is Better than a Handball

ostteague

⇒A pirate sails the wide-open seas… a world with no boundaries… horizon as far as the eye can see. A handball lives in a can.

⇒You can slam a handball into a wall thousands of times; whereas, a pirate would object after hitting the wall only twice.

⇒Pirates had a code… rules they had to follow on ship. A handball has no rules or ethics at all. If Hitler wanted to use a handball, the handball would be okay with that.

⇒A well-trained pirate with a cutlass and a pistol could kill or injure three or more naval recruits; the worst a handball can do is an eye injury so, GOGGLES, everyone!

⇒A pirate buries treasure for others to find years after he dies; a handball usually loses all of his money at the track betting on long shots named “Handball” and “Sniff the Glove”…

⇒Pirates are so interesting that dozens of movies have been made about them. The only movie even remotely associated with handballs was The Lost Weekend. The main character was originally a handball, but Ray Milland refused to play sporting equipment, so they changed the character to a drunkard…

⇒Pirates have almost never committed the crimes of fraud or counterfeiting; handballs don’t either, but they always look as if they are about to…

⇒If you drop a handball, it rolls under the couch. If you drop a pirate, he only mutters drunkenly about “booty” and “scurvy dogs”…

⇒Many pirates have been hung for their crimes but nobody has yet to punish a handball.

⇒Pirates made people walk the plank. Once, while playing handball, I face-planted into a wall. I blame the ball…

 

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