Why I Hate Wheaties

Wheaties uses athletes to sell itself because every dietician recommends athletes get more wheat in their diet… “Wheaties” is the laziest cereal name in the history of cereal and in the history of names. It’s as if the boss came in, told them to come up with a great name for a wheat cereal, and […]

Don “Beat Generation” Trump: Covid #19

“Boiling water kills Covid 19. Maybe there’s a way we can ingest boiling water or maybe just boil the entire body, could you look into that?…I understand that there aren’t enough tests for the virus so I’m recommending that we take different tests… like SATs or LSATs and scratch out the titles and replace them […]

I Spot You Some Fun Facts about Macbeth

Lady Macbeth’s real name was Gruoch… an ugly name to be sure, but is it any uglier than “Edith”? After Macbeth died, he was succeeded by his step son, Lulach the Idiot: A name that inspired confidence in everyone who opposed him. It is considered bad luck to say “Macbeth” in a theater… performers call […]

My Worries are as Many as Fishes in the Sea

I worry that there is no gravity and that everything was just “going that way anyhow”… I worry that the hair I think I’m losing is just hiding inside my scalp and is going to jump out at me when I least expect it. I worry that I might, inadvertently, become too gangsta… I worry […]

Why I Mailed a Dead Cat to My Senator

[Another title first, content afterwards exercise. If you have any others, post them in the messages below] Because the live ones usually manage to scratch their way out of the box in transit. Mailing dead animals is protected speech, like picketing and throwing hand grenades. I’m angry that he won’t pass laws against cruelty to […]