Stuff I Remember from My Childhood

I remember Space Food Sticks: Vitamin-fortified earwax in the shape of a Slim Jim. Great for playing astronaut; but, pretending to be a weightless guy with a slide rule pushing buttons got old quick… and so did Space Food Sticks. And, for dress shoes, we walked around on platform shoes which were technically stilts. You […]

R. N. Domth Oughts

If I was being besieged in a castle in the middle ages, I’d try my hardest to convince the people surrounding me that THEY were the ones under siege and that they were going to be trapped out there FOREVER if they didn’t leave. She called me a “grade A rat” which was surprising because […]

What You Can Do Stuck at Home Waiting for the Apocalypse

Force your children to learn Navajo. Prioritize all the household projects you have. That way, when you go back to work, you’ll know which of them to feel guiltiest about not doing. Watch five minutes of each of your cable channels in order… except Lifetime. That would be cruel. Meditate until you become enlightened… check […]

Bison Facts that I Once Herd

The bison is the largest mammal in North America, now that John Goodman has slimmed down. The bison is not a true buffalo. A real buffalo has a larger body and a certificate of authenticity. The Latin term for the American Bison is bovina bison bison. Zoologists wanted to make it bison bison bison to […]

Q and A’s

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given? “You do NOT want to go into that bathroom” When you die, what do you want to be remembered for? Faking my death. What would be the most surprising scientific discovery imaginable? A subatomic particle that has a neutral charge and looks like Avril Lavigne… […]