This Justin…

Yes! It’s another historical essay! The Thracian Good Fortune of Justin I

Why You Should Give the Gift… of Eels

When giving eels, put some young ones in the package and some fake plastic young eels, because everyone loves an elvers impersonator… If the recipient has no room in his refrigerator, any cylindrical storage will do. I keep my eels in an umbrella stand. Eels secrete a lot of mucus which can be a godsend […]

The White House Answers Questions about the Coronavirus

First, how did the virus originate? Well, I hear… I hear people saying that the virus is from China and from birds or bats or something. If China had signed that trade agreement earlier, they wouldn’t have this problem. Why is that? Well, as you know, Nancy Pelosi… or “Crazy Nancy” I call her… sometimes […]

Before Sex We Should…

This one is from a Twitter tag. Before Sex We Should… Make sure our parents aren’t siblings. Strictly define what the word “orgasm” means. Warn each other about anything grotesque about our bodies… Exchange next-of-kin information Come clean about any fetishes either of us has involving barbecue sauce or throwing knives. Be certain neither […]

Service Animals, Their Dangers and Functions

Back when I was a kid, there were only seeing-eye dogs. That is to say, if you were a dog and wanted a career path that didn’t involve you bouncing around like an idiot, then you would become a seeing-eye dog. They don’t call them that much anymore. Now, they are “guide dogs” because the […]