I Get Animated When I Talk About Cartoons

At the end of the Scooby Doo cartoons, the guy pretending to be the ghost always got arrested. What was the charge? We raised an entire generation of people who thought dressing as a ghost was illegal. No wonder kids started dressing as hippies and tramps, instead. In the show, Arthur, even if you accept […]

Olio and Hodgepodge

I wouldn’t want to be a special envoy because the other envoys might get jealous and maybe vandalize my truck. My mom always liked me best but covered up for it by spending all her time playing with and complimenting my siblings. Ever notice that astronauts don’t get arrested a lot for murder, rape and […]

Other Things I’m Afraid of

I’ve managed to sustain my fears of failure for decades which I think is quite an achievement… I fear the unknown. Why? I don’t know and that MAKES IT WORSE. I don’t fear heights; but, I do fear breadths… mostly trying to pronounce “breadths”. I fear dying alone because then only one person’s day would […]

Why I Ate a Stick of Butter

I couldn’t find the lard. I took it out of the refrigerator accidentally and I didn’t want to look stupid. I’m trying to eat all my food alphabetically and I already finished off the almonds and anchovies. I’m lubricating the inside of my body so that my lungs work more smoothly. My friends were over […]

Some Free-Market Thoughts on Capitalism

Capitalism is a free market-run society where the core of the economy, the stock market, consists of idiots in suits trying to scream over one another on a crowded floor. Much of their work is being outsourced to computers but computers can’t scream that loudly… How do you keep billionaires from taking over the democracy […]