Some Free-Market Thoughts on Capitalism

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“I told them it was a middle-class tax cut… and they BELIEVED me”

Capitalism is a free market-run society where the core of the economy, the stock market, consists of idiots in suits trying to scream over one another on a crowded floor. Much of their work is being outsourced to computers but computers can’t scream that loudly…

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How do you keep billionaires from taking over the democracy in a capitalist nation? You write a constitution that guarantees this won’t happen and human rights will be honored. How do you keep the wealthy from buying politicians to stack the appellate courts so that they ignore that constitution? We’ll let you know when we find that out…

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In a capitalist society, all you need is to work hard and you will be successful; that is why there are so many field laborers who own Lear jets…

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The free market can cure all societal ills except poverty, health care, working conditions and the destruction of the family unit.  But, with the free market, you get to choose from over a hundred breakfast cereals… so, how cool is THAT?

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Incorporating removes individual responsibility and makes the company, and not those who run it, responsible for any actions of the company.  It’s like someone being stabbed to death and the knife is put on trial.

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If you want pure capitalism, you’ll need to go to a country with roving bands of machine gun-armed thugs.  But, don’t worry about the danger… the free market will protect you.

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Most experts agree that capitalism requires the existence of an underclass.  But, everyone in a capitalist society benefits:  The lower class always has access to food and shelter in the form of a prison cell.

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Some people say that money corrupts our democracy; but fortunately, there are measures in place to effectively silence those people.

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For capitalism to work at peak efficiency, it needs an army of people in suits misusing over a hundred years of psychological discovery to sell you a device that you neither need nor can live without.

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If you are confused as to which economics system is capitalism, it is the one where the government pays five hundred dollars for a hammer.

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Modern day capitalism relies on the “trickle down theory” which is the paradigm in which the government gives most of the money to the wealthy and they, in turn, piss on the rest of us.

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18 thoughts on “Some Free-Market Thoughts on Capitalism

  1. Nicely done.

    I just met a guy who is a sugary cereal connoisseur. He travels to the U.S. to check out cereal that isn’t sold here.

    As he explained his love for kids’ breakfast cereal, an overwhelming sense of worry for our species overcame me.

    Liked by 1 person

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