Karma’s a Bitch: A Poem

I saw a child living in squalor so I gave her a dollar. . I saw a homeless woman, barely alive so I gave her a five. . I met a poor old man whose health wasn’t good I told him that I “understood”. . When evil fortune took people unawares, I tried to repel […]

Is Your Hygiene Bad? Here are the Warning Signs

Your bed-sheets look like the Shroud of Turin… You friends can tell, with great accuracy, which chair you were sitting in… a week after you sat in it. You are given a hazmat suit and asked to wear it inside out… You find a truffle growing in your navel. After your dog licks you for […]

Why I Cannot Help You

If I help you, we’ll develop an emotional bond and then you’ll hurt me like all the others. If I try to help you and fail, it will devastate my self-esteem. If I help you, I’ll feel obligated to help those who see me help you, for fairness sake; then, I’ll have to help the […]

The Giant Otter

This is your lucky day! My essay on Giant Otters is complete and the Nobel Prize committee is VERY interested… The Aquatic Ferocity of the Giant Otter

Your Child and Violent Video Games

Limit your child’s game-time to his waking hours. Tell your child that, if he cannot control himself after playing violent video games, he won’t be allowed to see Cannibal Holocaust that evening. Discuss the age-appropriateness of your child’s video games with parents that actually care how their children turn out… If your child breaks his […]