Your bed-sheets look like the Shroud of Turin…
You friends can tell, with great accuracy, which chair you were sitting in… a week after you sat in it.
You are given a hazmat suit and asked to wear it inside out…
You find a truffle growing in your navel.
After your dog licks you for a while, it gets “full”.
Your spouse will only have sex with you if the two of you are in separate rooms.
Your underwear has to be removed in pieces.
Your lover can write “PLEASE WASH ME” on your back with her finger.
You smell like nothing… I don’t mean you haven’t got an odor; but, WHAT you smell LIKE cannot be identified.
Your hair is not greasy because lice are eating all the oils in it.
People you sit next to on the bus move to a different seat… on a different bus… in a different city.