Why I’m Sad

I’m sad when a tv series that I like ends because I can no longer follow the made up events in the lives of people who don’t exist. I get sad when one of my favorite actors or actresses dies. Personally, I always felt as if Don Knotts and Tim Conway had one more epic […]

Is a Raccoon the Pet for You?

A raccoon is a wild animal. I cannot stress this enough. A RACCOON IS A WILD ANIMAL. Understand? You do? Well then, I apparently stressed it enough. Raccoon feces makes a good fertilizer. If you have a raccoon as a pet, you won’t even need to leave your home to collect it. Veterinarians who treat […]

Some Shaky Earthquake Tips

If you are at work and don’t have time to get outside, take cover under a table or a desk. If you were already under someone’s desk BEFORE the earthquake started, you should be ashamed of yourself… If you are outdoors, avoid power lines… unless you are a power line worker. In that case: GET […]

How Do I Know that the World is Flat?

We first understand that the Earth is flat based upon our perceptions. The same reason we know that a stop sign is red and that cartoons are magic pictures that move. For the round-Earth lie to succeed, pilots, NASA and birds would all have to be in on the conspiracy. Pilots and astronauts are bribed […]

A Bucket List to Die For

I want to see Naples in the Springtime… still smoldering from a volcanic explosion… I want to weave baskets with Scarlett Johansson… and by “weave baskets” I mean “have sex” and by “have sex” I mean “shoot pool”. I want to drive in the Indianapolis 500, going the wrong way with my right blinker on. […]