Moosehead Stratagem, Chapter 3, Part 1

[Well, another hundred followers… and, as is my custom, this week will be chapter three of The Moosehead Stratagem. The beginning of this epic masterwork of working masters is here. It is a parody of Robert Ludlum novels with a little Pulp Fiction and The Da Vinci Code thrown in for good measure. Enjoy!] Chapter […]

What I Want 4 Christmas

A copy of The Walter White Cookbook. A round-trip ticket to the happiest place on Earth: The Xanax factory! A pinochle deck with the prime numbers removed. A statue of an angry Buddha, crumpling up a betting ticket and smacking a prostitute. A boxed set of every movie that Adam Sandler wasn’t in. A […]

For My Second Wedding I’ve Written My Own Angry Vows

[Note: Next week, to commemorate another hundred followers, will be Chapter Three of The Moosehead Strategem. Clear your calendars and hide your daughters] I promise to always be true to you as long as you don’t look as if you want to have an affair. I promise not to go to bed angry so we’ll […]

Tips and Predictions on Global Warming

Before the ocean levels rise too much, we can put the state of Florida on stilts… or, for the good of the gene pool, let it sink. As farming states get warmer, switch what you grow and where: For example, in Nebraska switch from corn to okra and melons. In Georgia/Alabama, switch from peaches […]

Republican Ideas for Healthcare Reform

Allow people to buy insurance across state lines provided they can get sick in both states. Emphasize preventative care, mostly by raising your voice when you tell the working poor: “You also can’t afford PREVENTATIVE CARE”. Reduce the requirements to become a medical doctor to watching six episodes of Quincy. Make the entire hospital […]