Signs You Might Have Too Much Sodium in Your Diet

Your favorite sandwich is anchovies between two pieces of beef jerky. Half the time you give a blood sample, the vial explodes off of the needle and embeds itself into a wall. Your stool makes an effective salt lick. You’ve switched from a salt-shaker to a tablespoon Your friends and family won’t eat any baked […]

Give Me Liberty or Give Me Random Thoughts

I’ve got a computer virus where, if I click on a porn site, it shows me instead an image of Hugh Hefner stabbing the Virgin Mary. I’d get the virus removed but it’s kind of a turn-on… My biggest fear is that everything that can happen will finally happen, God will yell, “Bingo!” and the […]

Waiting to See the Doctor? Here are Some Tips:

[This one came from an idea from Deb Whittam. She has my profound thanks] Unlike prison, you don’t need to find the biggest patient in the waiting room and knock him out. If you keep guessing sequentially, until you hit on a legitimate health insurance number, someone will know that something is up. The woman […]

More Hurricane Tips

If authorities tell you to evacuate, EVACUATE! No house is more important than your life, unless that house has both a hot tub and a fireman’s pole. Many religious leaders see hurricanes as a punishment for gays and gay-acceptance. If a hurricane might be headed your way, hedge your bets by asking your homosexual neighbors […]

I Don’t See the Glass as Half-Empty

Capitalist: I see the glass as a marketable pessimism-detector. Republican: I see the glass as lazy and not living up to its full potential. I will no longer support this half-full glass and its Islamic/Hispanic friends with my tax dollars… Salesman: I see the glass as twice as good as a quarter full. Lawyer: I […]