321 Quote

First, let me thank Deb Whittam for challenging me with this one. I DO, in fact, have two quotes on aging: I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. – Francis Bacon Old age isn’t a battle; old age is a massacre – Philip […]

The Hydrodynamic Duplicity of Rain

[This one is dedicated to calmkate who asked for a piece on rain.] I’m watching the rain through my kitchen window. Not because I’m sentimental or feeling maudlin; but, because rain is not to be trusted… it has to be watched. Rain is like teenagers: It can make a lot of noise at night and […]

The Random Thoughts that Shot Liberty Valance

I can forgive my ex-girlfriend for a lot of things but NOT for neglecting to tell me that she was imaginary. I’m uncomfortable with the term “tree frog” because I feel that it imposes a lifestyle choice on the frog… Sometimes, I like to get into a cab and say, “follow that car!” and just […]

Little-known Follow-ups to Hit Singles

Rod Stewart followed up his song, Do You Think I’m Sexy with the more thought-provoking, Does ANYONE Think I’m Sexy?. Fun fact: Lusting after Rod Stewart is now considered, almost universally, to be an accepted fetish… Men at Work followed up Who Can it Be Now? with It’s Just Mom! The single was so bad […]

Ask a Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog

[After seeing the popularity of Dear Prudence, Dear Abby, Dear Meg and Ask Amy, I had to ask myself, “Is writing a fake advice column for me?”. Not having anything else written for today, the answer came back, “Yeah, why not?”] Dear Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog, I’m currently in a long-distance relationship and I’m worried that […]