The Symptoms of Canine Panic Disorder (CPD)

Urination: Obviously, not all urination; but, urination where it doesn’t normally occur: Such as the carpet, the stove top or Haiti. Vocalization: As in rapid and/or high-pitch barks or yelps. If the dog vocalizes, “I’m chill, bruh”, it’s probably not panicking and is more likely a surfer. Trembling: Uncontrollable shaking is a sign of CPD. […]

Thoughts on Dog Tricks

Come When Called: This is probably the first thing you’ll try to teach a dog. REMEMBER: Smart dogs do NOT come when they are called. They are exploring the world. Why should the dog come to you when you call it? It already KNOWS what you smell like. Heel: Training a dog not to move […]

The Oresteian Tragedy of the Kingfisher

Imagine this: You are on the savanna or the veld, whichever is easier to spell. You are surrounded by five killer silverback gorillas. Two seem on the verge of attack and one is furiously signing for orange juice. Your life seems over when suddenly, out of the darkness, the call of the kingfisher sounds. The […]

The Flippant Excavation of the Woodchuck

The woodchuck (marmota monax) is a pestilence upon our land… so much so that they make other pestilences look like mere blights… The woodchuck, also known as the “groundhog”, “earth-cow” and “Xantar the Torturer of the Damned”, is a fossorial marmot. If you aren’t impressed, just try being a fossorial marmot for a few hours […]

Two Dumb Poems

Potato Salad My potato salad is pretty bland but I make it all by hand. And, it isn’t my fault That my mom never taught me to use salt. No onions, spices or flavor of any kind the product of an uninspired mind. But, I find all your complaints invalid so let me enjoy […]