Why I’m all for Banning Books

Fewer books in our libraries means more room for homeless drug addicts. ◦ Homosexuality is completely antithetical to our existence so it makes sense that, if our children see a homosexual alluded to in a book, they will instantly turn gay. ◦ Who knows better what we should read and not read than a bunch […]

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Why I’ll Never Write My Memoirs

Every character in it would be more interesting than I am. ♥ I’m afraid I’d let it slip out that I’m indirectly responsible for the Challenger Shuttle disaster. ♥ Every title I come up with has already been used… except Crime and Punishment, but who’d read a book with a title like THAT? ♥ I […]

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Literature Bits

I read Goethe’s Faust in the original German. I don’t speak a word of German so that makes my accomplishment even more impressive. ֍ I told my English teacher that I was a fatalist. She recommended I read The Oresteian Trilogy. I shrugged and went home and read it because, what choice did I have? […]

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More Books I Could Never Get Published

Cooking with Substances that You didn’t Know Could be Non-Toxic: Recipes using ingredients that most people think aren’t food, like crayons, Vasoline or kale. The cover photograph was a pie made from caulk and tennis balls. Burning Seoul: Twelves stories of Korean War colonels who risked their lives, fought against communism and contracted gonorrhea. Emphasis […]

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