A Completely Different Llama Gives Dieting Advice

Dear Completely Different Llama, I’m concerned about my diet. You see, I lost my job when it burned down and then ran away, so my income is a little light; in fact, I am earning just enough to pay for the bus fare to the liquor store where I cash my unemployment check. I don’t […]

Dieting Tips that will Make You Think Less of Yourself

Never eat a meal that you cannot comfortably carry. ☼ Sugars are “empty calories” and because they are empty, other calories can hide inside of them like a Trojan horse. Instead, enjoy the candy-like sweetness of chard or endive. ☼ If you crave something sweet, eat a carrot because… Happy Non Sequitur Day! ☼ If […]

Actual Diets of Note

Ice Diet: Ice has no calories, nutrition, taste or reason for being a mainstay of someone’s diet. I think the scientific explanation for this diet is that people cryogenically frozen can live almost forever so why not freeze yourself from the inside? Tape Worm Diet: A tape worm can live in a person’s digestive tract […]

My Love for Vegetarians Knows No Bounds

Vegetarianism can be traced back to Pythagoras, who only ate bread, veggies and a little honey. It didn’t catch on because people weren’t aware of the strong link between being a mathematician and being a nutritional scientist. Vegetarianism can also lead to weight-loss, which might be some comfort considering that you will no longer be […]