Dieting Tips that will Make You Think Less of Yourself

Expert reveals 7 dieting mistakes that can stop weight loss | Daily Mail  Online

Never eat a meal that you cannot comfortably carry.

Sugars are “empty calories” and because they are empty, other calories can hide inside of them like a Trojan horse. Instead, enjoy the candy-like sweetness of chard or endive.

If you crave something sweet, eat a carrot because… Happy Non Sequitur Day!

If the food you are eating gives you the same feeling you might get from squatting naked on a glacier trying to roast a grub over a tiny fire you started in an old tin can, you’ve found a good diet food.

To avoid all calories, I only eat the outsides of my food.

Dietitians say that fast food fish sandwiches served with fries are actually NEGATIVE calories due to what you burn off on the frenzied run to get to your bathroom from your car.

To lose weight, make an entire meal out of vegetables. To keep the meal from being too bland to eat, make your vegetables out of pork chops.

Any food is diet food if you can find an alternative with more calories. For example: A quarter stick of butter on a baked potato has fewer calories than the same potato with a scoop of fudge ripple ice cream.

Remember: Diet pills are never the answer… unless the question is, “What can I take a handful of that will make me chase my kids around the house with a pot of boiling water because I think they are monkey-ghosts?”

Avoid fad-diets like eating Frisbees or mood rings…

9 thoughts on “Dieting Tips that will Make You Think Less of Yourself

  1. I KNEW they were monkey ghosts! They kept telling me things like, “Mom, calm down! Please don’t burn us with that hot water!” and, “Stop taking so many of those diet pills!” But I was right all along. They WERE monkey ghosts!

    Liked by 2 people

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