Other Uses for a Shock Collar

If you have a pressing need for an electric eel, you can make one yourself with a lungfish and a shock collar. Shock collars are great for charging your phone all at once. You can use shock collars to execute hamsters who’ve committed capital crimes. Use one to give your child a mild shock every […]

How to Avoid Shark Attacks

If you are in the water, steer clear of fishermen. If you are not in the water, steer clear of fishermen, anyway. If fish or turtles behave erratically, get out of the water. What is erratic behavior for a turtle? I’d imagine it would be running really really fast or trying to buy liquor without […]

Goblin Sharks are our Friends!!!

I think this might be the very last of my older animal essays. I hope you enjoy it because I’ve completely run out of animals to write about… except bacterium. But, I don’t think I could do much with a topic like that… The Goblin Shark!!!

Eels… All about them and their friends…

Another animal essay that resides in my permanent collection. Best enjoyed with a wedge of Danish blue cheese and a dry Chablis: The Coniferous Amalgam of the Moray Eel