Other Uses for a Shock Collar

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I think our symbiotic relationship is becoming toxic

If you have a pressing need for an electric eel, you can make one yourself with a lungfish and a shock collar.

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Shock collars are great for charging your phone all at once.

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You can use shock collars to execute hamsters who’ve committed capital crimes.

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Use one to give your child a mild shock every time they say, “Detective Pokemon”.

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If you love someone, set them free; and, if they are wearing a shock collar, they’ll never leave you.

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You can save tens of thousands of dollars if you make your own pacemaker out of a digital watch and a shock collar… even more if you let one of your teenagers perform the surgery.

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Wear one yourself when dieting so that, when you open the refrigerator, you get a shock.  You should also get a shock every time you say “Detective Pokemon”…

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Apply shock collar to dog… decrease size of “invisible fence” slowly over a period of weeks until your dog only has a five square inch safe zone.  Then, make the safe area infinitely small and your dog will reach critical mass, providing enough energy for an entire city.

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Throw shock collar into lake, wait for the fizzing to stop, skim fish off top… repeat.

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If you need to demolish a building, put a rhinoceros on the first floor wearing a shock collar.  Shock him whenever he says the words “Detective Pokemon” or commits a capital crime. Once the first floor is demolished, the rest of the building should take care of itself…

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Parrot won’t talk? Use a shock collar and it will tell you anything you want to know…

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20 thoughts on “Other Uses for a Shock Collar

      1. Okay… the prim woman buys a parrot from a pet shop, not knowing that it was originally owned by a sailor. When she got it home, it cussed up a blue streak… so she covered the cage; but, every time she took the cover off, the bird let loose a string of invectives that would embarrass a longshoreman. Finally she told the parrot, “If you swear one more time, I’m putting you in the freezer”

        “Well f— that!”, the parrot replied. And, into the freezer he went.

        It was dark in the freezer but eventually the parrot was able to see. He was right next to a couple of store-bought fryers. Astonished, he asked them, “My God! What did YOU say?”

        Like

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