Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes
Funnier than a sharp stink in your eye…
If I’d just spent an evening with the best hypnotist EVER… ◙ If the only two foods available were Red Lobster entrees and Elmer’s Glue and someone snapped up the glue before I could. ◙ If I knew a lobster that I had a grudge against was in one of their tanks. ◙ If I’d […]
Read More Circumstances Under Which I’d Eat at Red LobsterArtichokes are very versatile. They can be boiled, roasted, baked, deep fried, smothered, shot or run over when they stand in the crosswalk. They are the perfect vegetable for when you crave something that looks like a pine cone and tastes like nothing. ♦ If you must break out of jail, you can carve a […]
Read More Thoughts on VegetablesWhere do capers grow? Any of the arid regions around the Mediterranean where there is so little food that people pick flower buds and pickle them because there is little else to eat. How are capers harvested? In the morning they are picked manually by local virgins. By hand, because they are fragile. In the […]
Read More Bitter FAQs about CapersSome people won’t eat Century Eggs because of the misconception that they are preserved in horse urine. The jokes on them because the eggs only SMELL like horse urine. ☼ Actually, century eggs are created by burying eggs in ashes, salt and clay and letting them sit for a few months until the yokes turn […]
Read More Facts About One-Hundred Year-Old EggsGiven a choice between two slow-moving lines at the grocery store, I will always manage to choose the line with anthrax. ♠ My shins can unerringly find any coffee table in complete darkness. ♠ I can make my grandma’s famous Million Dollar Salmon Dip… Note: It is famous because of all that botulism afterwards. ♠ […]
Read More Stuff I’m Good at
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 