Ask a Genetically-Modified Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog: Low Fat Version

Dear Genetically-Modified Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog, My boyfriend likes to sing along with the radio when we are in the car together; but, he only likes to sing along with the all-news channels. The other day, he was singing the NASDAQ to the tune of “Body and Soul”… I know I’m being overly sensitive, but now, […]

A New Idea: Almanac

[Still working on the format, but it will look something like this:] On January 8th, Charles DeGaulle was named president of France’s Fifth Republic. France’s Fourth Republic had fallen behind the couch and their sixth republic was out being cleaned. DeGaulle was permitted to rule by decree until a constitution could be whipped up. He […]

I Go Dark: Benefits of Raising Children in Crates

It makes them far easier to mail. ● With kids safely in crates, you’ll be able to keep your poisons and cleaning supplies within easy reach. ● It helps them to appreciate the right to stand upright, which our forefathers died for. ● Keeping children in crates helps prepare them for careers as mimes. ● […]

How Great Thou Art O’ Random Thart

I took a survival course. They sent me a letter, telling me that I failed the class; but, I’m still alive so I must’ve gotten at least a ‘D’… ☻ I developed a cheap covid test based on the fact that your sense of taste tends to lessen when you come down with the virus: […]

Thoughts that Depress Me

I’m depressed because life is just a bleak emptiness with occasional intervals of bowling. ☺ In billions of years, our Sun will swell up and burn the Earth to an ash and I won’t be around to see how Donald Trump tries to make money off of it. ☺ I get depressed when I realize […]