A New Idea: Almanac

[Still working on the format, but it will look something like this:]

On January 8^th, Charles DeGaulle was named president of France’s Fifth Republic. France’s Fourth Republic had fallen behind the couch and their sixth republic was out being cleaned. DeGaulle was permitted to rule by decree until a constitution could be whipped up. He didn’t take advantage of this great power except to get his neighbors to stop parking across his driveway.

Shirley Bassey was born on this date in 1937 in Cardiff, Wales. Despite the handicap of being Welsh, she managed to build a career as a singer. Bassey was responsible for three of the James Bond themes and a warehouse fire in Newcastle. Fun Fact: She was refused burial in a Cardiff cemetery due to the fact that she was still alive.

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If you were born on January 8^th, you are a Capricorn and there are also other things wrong with you. You revel in your self-control and regret not being able to stop your heart with sheer will. Don’t worry, those around you regret that, too. If you knew anything, you’d come off as kind of a know-it-all. Your lucky number is six. Your lucky color is slate-blue; and, your lucky alibi is “I was at the movies when it happened”.

Sunrise will be at 7:28 and again at 8:10. For farmers, this is the perfect time for soaking your yarrow roots in vinegar and then trying to figure out why you did such a thing.

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Animal Fact: Sea turtles navigate by following the Earth’s magnetic field so putting a refrigerator magnet on their backs will make one move around in a tight circle.

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Today’s Snippet: …”Yes”, said the doctor, “You have to appreciate their zeal”

“And, it can balance a ball on its nose”, replied Fred.

“No”, said the doctor, gently, “Zeal is a noun meaning great enthusiasm”

“That’s it!”, shouted Fred, “That was the last piece of information in the entire universe. We can shut it down, now”

“I don’t understand”, said the doctor.

“I’m destroying the entire universe. I don’t need it anymore. You gave me the very last piece of data. With your explanation of “zeal” I can build my OWN universe, so I’m destroying this universe and building one about five feet to its left”

The stars began to dim and go black. “If you weren’t so condescending”, added Fred, “Your universe would’ve been around for a few billion more years”

The doctor realized that Fred was right. His condescension had destroyed the entire universe…again…