I Go Dark: Benefits of Raising Children in Crates

1930s Outdoor Baby Cages - Historic Home Trends and Ideas

It makes them far easier to mail.

With kids safely in crates, you’ll be able to keep your poisons and cleaning supplies within easy reach.

It helps them to appreciate the right to stand upright, which our forefathers died for.

Keeping children in crates helps prepare them for careers as mimes.

Their crates can be stacked to save space. Remember to keep the kids who haven’t been toilet trained ON THE BOTTOM ROW.

Crates can be modified to be modular couches and chairs so, when you are relaxing in the evening, it will be a guilt-free evening with the kids.

My parents kept me in a crate for years and I don’t have any emotional problems. At least not any that I feel comfortable sharing with you.

For God’s sake, don’t raise your child in a pet-carrier because it might damage his self-esteem.

Children crave boundaries and structure so they kind of deserve to be kept in crates.

You may think raising a child in a crate is bad for it; but, there are peer-reviewed articles that prove conclusively that pretty much anyone can get a peer-reviewed article published.

No more lost baby teeth.

18 thoughts on “I Go Dark: Benefits of Raising Children in Crates

  1. In all honesty any peer reviewed articles about raising children in crates would have to conclude that there is currently insufficient academic research to conclusively argue for or against raising children in crates. At least you’re helping to move the discussion forward.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. When you said you were running out of ideas to write about there is clearly a whole lot of dark areas to be explored. Good point too, to keep the not potty trained children on the bottom!

    Liked by 2 people

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