Some Bland Facts about Tofu

Tofu may reduce the risk of cancer. It might also bring you gold bars and unicorns while you sleep. Women who are going through menopause should eat tofu because the drudgery of eating it is a great thing to blame your wild moods swings upon. Freezing tofu turns it yellow. It is still good to […]

The Flippant Excavation of the Woodchuck

The woodchuck (marmota monax) is a pestilence upon our land… so much so that they make other pestilences look like mere blights… The woodchuck, also known as the “groundhog”, “earth-cow” and “Xantar the Torturer of the Damned”, is a fossorial marmot. If you aren’t impressed, just try being a fossorial marmot for a few hours […]

Answers to My Children’s Dumb Questions

“Daddy, where do babies come from?” – “Mostly China and India… but, I hear Indonesia is catching up” “What does my penis do?” – “Your penis functions as a de facto brain from your thirteenth birthday until you are forty” “Daddy, why is the sky blue?” – “Really? You see blue? I see it as […]

The Sad Stupid Tale of Romeo and Juliet

(Let me know if you would like more of these or never want to see it again) This play is set in Verona, Italy… one of the most cosmopolitan cities in Europe and a real cesspool once you got a good look at it. Two clans are brawling: The Montagues and the Capulets; in fact, […]

One More Rotten Poem

Yeah… I really can’t stop making these. But, on the plus side, I’ve got all my posts for next week written. The Memory is the First Thing to Go Is my mind going? Is my mental decline showing? My mind was once sharp and keen but, now I can’t remember where I’ve been […]