Ask a Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog: The Final Beginning

Dear Genetically-Modified Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog, My husband is always asking for things in the bedroom that I am unable to provide… like antimatter or fat-free butter. I tell him that I’m not a machine and he shrugs and pulls out my batteries. I’m at my wits end because I don’t know if I should serve […]

How Coronavirus Will Change Your Life

Your favorite brand of Mexican beer suddenly goes on sale. People are coughing into their elbows and sneezing into their shoes. Your boss asks you to start working from home and you are the janitor. Clearing the seats around you at the movies is just an elbow cough away. Any Purell you own is suddenly […]

The Ugly Truth about Vocalists

Until the nineties, singers were very very ugly… I’m not sure if someone discovered a vaccine for ugly or some designer-virus was created to wipe out ugly singers. I do know that, after the eighties, all the male singers had chiseled faces and bodies and 3.8 days of beard growth and the females were just […]

This Day in History: March 5th

On March 5th, 363 A.D.E, the Roman emperor Julian woke up his army and left Antioch, after finishing most of their beer, sleeping on their couch and breaking a vase that had great sentimental value. Julian was on an offensive against the Sasanian Empire, located in what presently Iran. His plan was to create […]

Talc of the Town

Thanks, Deb! Talc really sucks at being a rock. It is the softest mineral there is… at the very bottom of the hardness scale. I’ve never seen a news headline with the words, “Man pelted to death by talc”. This hardness deficiency is precisely why it hides in baby powder jars. But, talc has an […]