A Bad Joke, but from the Hart

A veterinarian was complaining to a friend about a patient of his: “I’m treating this stag who has a split personality. He had a hundred thousand personalities when I started treating him; and now, he’s got ten TIMES that” The friend asked if he could see the animal and the vet took him to the […]

Ask a Genetically-Modified Bio-Engineered Dog: The Aww-edition

Dear Genetically-Enhanced Bio-Engineered Dog, I’m a professor at a small mid-western university and lately I have been subjected to appropriate advances from one of my students. She KNOWS I’m a professor and yet she continues to make comments to me that are well within social norms and acceptability. How do I explain to her that […]

How Can I Help my Local Public School?

Volunteer! Schools are always looking for volunteers. If there’s no one doing it, you could volunteer to be the principal. I volunteered to be a student but they told me they already had enough of those… Join the PTA: What has all the drama of a homeowner’s association meeting and all the futility of trying […]

Andomray Oughtsthay

My mom was pregnant a lot when she was high with me and it didn’t affect my development at all… If you are a good enough liar, you can accomplish anything that you can convince people you did. I think the last big step in our evolution as a species was when we learned the […]

Let’s Go to the Beach!

Sharks: Let’s put it this way: When you go to the movies, you don’t accept that there is a small but very real chance that a bear will bite your legs off while you are in the men’s room. Pretty Young Girls in String Bikinis: The answer to the question, “What do you never see […]